Colors of Men
White - Fear
„If you were to be reborn, my dear friend, would you live exactly the same life you had before?“ A soft voice was asking me as I felt how my body went more and more numb. My eyes grew heavy and I saw how my world turned darker. It was getting cold and I grew tired, yet I smiled and took a deep breath. “I would...” I felt how a warm liquid ran out of my mouth, knowing it was my own blood. “Would you even do the same mistakes again and feel all the pain you had once before?” A gentle hand was stroking my head and whipped of the snow that has been piled up there.
I wanted to say something but my chest was hurting and while I only saw darkness I felt this light above me falling down on me. I heard voices, children laughter. I saw old friends and happy faces of people I knew reaching out their hands. I felt how they were trying to reach me from the other side. I wanted to cry out, stand up and walk “home” yet there was a promise in my mind that kept me holding back. The fear of breaking the promise I mad was greater than the Joy of the final rest that was awaiting me. “I would ...” As I stood up in a valley of blooming flowers, I realized that I was on the edge of life a step away from paradise. People that I met from my life waved me good-bye and disappeared bit by bit fading away into the white blank sky above me.
One person stayed by me, a slim woman covered in a blue dress with green leave patterns on it. She wore a white mask with two little holes on it, guessing that she was looking through those. Her black hair was gently waving in the wind while she came forward me. “Who are you?” I asked her. Having a strange feeling that I maybe should not have asked her that, she tilted her head and gave a simple and short answer “Death”. I raised an eyebrow thinking this was a bad joke. “Right ...” She seemed to notice I was not really happy about her answer and a bit pissed, so she raised her left hand and gave a gentle breath strong enough so I could hear it. Within seconds the place which was filled with blooming flowers turned dark, dry and before I knew it I was standing in a dead and hopeless desert. “I am Death, I take and give as my Master allows me”.
“Who, no wait ...Why? ... I mean...” I had now pretty many questions piled up in head. Longing for answers I tried to filter out the most important ones. I gave a confused look while I was scratching my head and began again to ask “Where am I?” She didn’t mid to answer my question instead she countered my own question with one of her’s.
“Is this the place you want to stay?” Wondering about her question I looked a bit around. Death, everywhere I was looking I saw nothing but a lifeless desert. No plants, no water, no animals, nothing. “If fate has chosen this for me I shall not refuse it ...” A light chuckle came from death, she clapped into her hands and mumbled “What a good answer my fellow. You must have been trained well to talk in this good way with me.” I just sighed a bit and replied “I just see no point in arguing with you.” The moment I said that, death’s mask fell off along with the dress and a tremendous black creature buckled up in front of me. A black furry beast with many horns covering its face and a terrible smell of death and rotten flesh streamed from her. Her eight black wings were covering the sky so that the place where I was standing became a fast and dark place. She then reached out her hand and gave me a nod.
“Let me guide you to what fate has chosen for you ...” A gentle sigh came from me while i stretched out my hands and took her hand. Only once I wished I could go back and be there again, In the world of the Humans where I learned what is important, where I met my very first friends, where I gained true strength, where I had everything. So there I was embraced in the arms of death awaiting my fate, scared of what would await me. Is this what they called “fear of the ambiguous”? Yet I was ready, I had a good life. I regretted nothing, even the mistakes I did were a treasure to me.
Slowly the wings covered me and I felt how my mind went blank ...