Chapter 1:What the hell was that!?
The two hunters scaled the rocky outcrop and climbed to the top of the windswept plateau.They were bein roasted alive in their armour by the boiling heat of the Sandy plains,but the constant gulping of cool drinks kept them from keeling over.They looked down and saw a trio of hunters hunting a Hapurubokka.
One of the hunters was red-faced and muscular,wearing full Velocidrome armour and wielding a Bone Axe switch axe.The other was wearing full Great Jaggi armour and had a Jaggid Fire bowgun mounted on his back.Their names were Harald and Ragnok,but don't bother to remember their names.Because if you thought that they were the heroes of this story,you are wrong.No,the main character is the hunter being tossed into the air by the sand leviathan. He just had time to whip a small brown object from his pack before he tumbled into the monsters jaws below. They snapped shut with an ominious crunch and a muffled shout of pain.
One of the hunters,a girl of about 19 with long brown hair wearing full Rathian armour,screamed with rage and stabbed her Siegliende Greatsword into the monsters left hindleg. The monster froze,but the stab in the leg wasn't the cause.The monster opened its mouth expelled a lot of blood,some black smoke and hunter who landed on one of his knees holding a red,round object above his head like a trophy.It was the monsters uvula! The Hapurubokka steadied itself and was promptly shot in the face with a blast of Wyvernfire from the recently regurgitated hunter's Silver Rook gunlance, which was followed by a volley of arrows from an Icicle Bow 1 carried by a man 22 years oldwearing full White Monoblos gunner armour.
They two hunters watched in awe and confusion from their perch. Being noobs, they couldn't help but be impressed. The three hunters circled the Hapurubokka and hacked at it until it tried to escape.The other hunter,covered in blood,slime and his hair smoking took this as a chance for revenge. He ran in front of the putple behemoth and shoved his gunlance to the back of its throat.He launched a shell and spray of blood shot from the back of its head. The monster collapsed,dead and the female hunter ran over the slime-covered hunter and punched him in the face. The other man laughed and walked over to help is comrade off the ground after he had finished carving.
Harald and Ragnok stood in stunned silence until Harald yelled"What the hell was that!?"The hunter looked up at the two noobs grinning and shaking blood out of his spiky blonde hair."That my friends,was a Bokka getting owned hard,Jayden style"! The girl shook her head."Jayden,stop being so melodramaic,you're not in a fanfic or anything".The hunter laughed,looking up from carving the corpse."Aw give it a rest Iris,it was an easy fight".The other man chuckled."If you hadn't had that barrel bomb,you would be being rolled armoud in by a Barroth in a week or two".Jayden scowled."How many times do we have to argue Tao ,Fertile Mud is not crap!".Ragnok cleared his throat.The hunters looked at the duo as if noticing them for the first time."Um,if you're done talking I think you should run".Jayden looked confused. "Why should we run"?
Everyone looked over at the dead Hapurubokka.It was gone,replaced by a Deviljho,the remains of the corpse surrounding its mouth,which was twisted in a grin.It towered over the hunters,casting an intimidating shadow over the sand,blotting out the sun."Yeah,I think we should run"said Jayden in a small voice.
Jayden was having a tough day.First he ended up as a snack for a Hapurubokka an recieved a broken ankle for his troubles and now a Deviljho attack?This was a very bad day.The biggest thing he had hunted so far was a Diablos. A Deviljho would be way too tough to deal with.And with a broken ankle,it seemed likely that he would end up as lunch again. A hand on his shoulder brought him back to earth.It was Iris."Cmon you moron,let's get out of here"!
They made it about three feet when the Jho's tail sent them flying.Jayden was sent flying a hit a boulder. A spasm of pain shot through his body and he crumpled to the ground. The Deviljho stomped towards him, ignoring the icy bolts from Tao's bow. The brute wyvern picked him up in its jaws and tossed him into the air. Jayden was half-conscious with pain and knew that he was probably dead.he just had time to think "Sorry dad ,I failed you..again".Then "Damn,that's such a cliche", before he began his descent into the Jaws of the Jho.Suddenly, something flashed across the deviljho and it fell over with a huge red gash on its chest.Jayden fell through the air and landed on Iris who yelled indignantly. A few feet from the huge monster stood a man wearing full jho armour and wielding a Dark Claw "Demise".
Another man holding an Alatreon Metamorph and wearing full Jhen charged in and smacked the monster in the face, knocked a few teeth out and shouted "Bob,go get him"! A felyne wearing full Agnaktor charged in and stabbed the monster in the leg.It fell over in pain and yet another hunter charged in, clad in full Great Jaggi plus and wielding Cyclone dual swords and danced around the monster in a frenzy, tearing chunks out of the monster.Finally a man wearing nothing but Deviljho Leather Pants speared the Jho with his Fiendish Tower(P) Lance.The monster stopped moving and the hunters cheered in triumph."A little late there Nahxela"! said the man with the Deviljho armour."But at least we can always depend on K.O Han for a dramatic finish"!
The man in the leather pants replied"Well Shepard,it was only a Jho,after all".We're not going o talk about that on the broadcast". Jayden was stunned.These people were taking about hunting the Deviljho like it was a leisurely past-time.Tao called out"Um..thanks for saving us.." The veterans looked over at the others."Oh look a group of noobs", said the man in Jaggi armour.He had a German accent or was it polish? "Well if we did save you you're welcome" Jayden was dizzy with pain, but he still recognized them through their voices."You're.."he croaked."Yo Nick,will we do the intro?"asked the Deviljho-clad hunter."But we're not even doing a broadcast", the man with the hammer complained."Let's do it anyway", said the shirtless hunter.
"Hello and I am Krystian.Err..that's it", said the dual sword user.
"Hey everyone ,this is Socialdissonance,AKA Shepard"! said the longsword user.
"I'm Nick and my Mom's better than your Dad"! yelled the hammer user.
"And I'm Nahxela and I'm just another person".said the shirtless hunter.
"Hey,I know you"! said Harald."You're the monster hunter podcast crew"! "Yes we are,and I think you're friend over there is dying."said Shepard.Everyone looked over at Jayden who was on his side foaming at he mouth."Aw snap" said Iris."We better get him back to basecamp and onto the airship"."I have an idea". said Krystian."HEY CHA-CHA"! At his shout,a small creature ran out from behind his legs wearing an acorn on his head.It shrieked in alarm when an arrow hit the ground right in front of it."Woah-woah-woah stop man"! shouted Krystian."Are you serious!?" shouted Tao "That's a shakalaka! They're vicious killers"!Krystian shook his head.
"Not this one,I'm his..err.."servant".Long story." Tao looked confused ,but Krystian called "Cha-Cha ,could you get that guy over there back to camp"?Cha-Cha considered."Hmm..ok ,but only 'cause you Cha-Cha's favourite minion." He walked over to Jayden and they both disappeared.Everyone else farcastered out silmontaneusly.When they arrived at the basecamp they found an airship waiting there for them and Cha-Cha hauling Jayden up the gangplank.Iris looked worried but Krystian reassured her. "Don't worry Cha-Cha is very reliable". Cha -Cha lost his grip and Jayden collapsed onto the deck,smacking hi head off a loose nail off he floor.
"Err..well most of the time"mumbled Krystian.Cha-Cha heaved Jayden upwards and they saw that the nail was embedded in his forehead.Cha-Cha saw them looking and yanked the nail out of his head and whistled nonchanlantly. Nick walked over and tipped a jar of yellow mixture into his mouth."Max potion.Works every time".He was right because Jayden sat up after a few seconds,blinked and threw up.Ragnok and Harald looked at each other."Well this certainly was an interesting hunt".said Ragnok."Wait weren'yt we supposed to be doing something out here"?They jumped out of their seats."Aw snap!We forgot about the Cephadrome"!They jumped out of the airship as it began to move.Waving to their new friends,they turned and sprinted into the safari until they were lost in the foliage.The airship flew higher and higher until the Sandy Plains were lost in the heat haze....
....end of chapter 1. More to come soon!
Chapter 2: Back from development hell!
(note: okay, this update did NOT come soon. Because I had better things to do over the summer. Like playing Monster Hunter! Also an epic journey involving a Jhen Urgent, bad mushrooms, 50 volumes of naruto, David Bowie, making movies and fighting TEN THOUSAND SCREAMING THUNDERBATS IN A STEEL CAGE MATCH!!!)
Jayden: Get on with it you Rathalanus! We've been on this airship for 4 MONTHS!!
EN:Sorry bro. right on it...
"So Jayden, according to the previous chapter you dissapointed you're father" said Nick "Why? That is so cliche in fanfics" "Well he died after we we're attacked by a Rathalos, just like that other guy who's better than me" said Jayden, fully recovered from his month long siesta. " His dying words were: Son, go back and time and kill everything". " Who was your father Jayden"? wondered Iris. "Well, my mother used to say he was the guy on the cover of Freedom Unite"
"What the hell does that mean"!? burst out Iris. " I dunno. My mother didn't know either. She was a hunter, and she was driven insane by those effing Bullfangoes" replied Jayden. Shepard cleared his throat, wanting to say something. " Guys remember THAT Thing"?
OPERATION CHERRY BLOSSOM
"Oh right" said everyone, turning to face the reader( that's right, YOU in particular who I think is awesome for reading this). "Capcom is considering not localising Monster Hunter Portable 3rd/3rd HD, which bites", siad Nahxela. "So we want you to go to the Capcom Unity Forums", followed up Krystian, "And post in the official Operation Cherry Blossom thread about how much you love MH". "We need to gather as much support as possible" said Tao. "So remember to watch the Monster Hunter Podcast(watch it here->http://www.youtube.com/user/SocialDissonance) and remember, if it's now well-done..."
"It's burnt"! shouted Kendall from the Well-done podcast(http://www.youtube.com/user/WellDonePodCast).
Back to the story!
(by the way, if you don't K.O Han will remove your kneecaps)
"Look, it's Loc Lac City" said Iris as the city came into view. A few minutes of Kyrstian talking about indencent things they were in the tavern. "So, be sure to watch the broadcast tonight we're having MoisesL as a guest" said Shepard. "Okay, see ya!" shouted Iris and the group broke up. Tao went to make a new Bow in the forge, Iris went to trade some items and collect her furniture from the cat(it was a green guildie) and Jayden went home to chase the Longsword Larries out of his house, pet his pig to get some Rathian plates and read "The Darkstar Knight: part 3" on his iPod. His house was a pigsty(literally, his pig owned the house, the guildmaster hated him for thinking he was George Lucas when he first saw him) and a scardey n00b lived in his house as well. After a while they returned to the tavern only to find the Infinitley awesome Hummelhunter, his best friend FlaP and his girlfriend Lucie(sorry Hummel for not asking for the cameo, please forgive me your awesomeness :O) departing on a quest, having travelled there from minegarde for the upcoming Festival of Fear. Famous hunters were coming from all over to participate in the event. Anyway, after getting their T-shirts, armour and Felyne companions autographed, they all sat down by the radio and tuned in to Monster Hunter Broadcast...
I'm back baby! More coming soon(and I mean it this time)!